Shaq is the ass taster

By Zak Kertesz,

The Sports Complainer

Written on 6/6/09

----As the old superman looks for his cape, the new one is flying the skies, preparing for game two of the NBA Finals. Whereas Dwight Howard should be studying film with the "Master of Panic," Shaquille O'Neal should be attempting to rescind all of his ridiculous comments. Shaq has been well known for his hysterically harmless remarks. But as he has aged (so has his humor), his comments have taken a detrimental turn. Not only has The Bigfriendly altered his image with such tastelessness, his comments have now been deemed as wisdom-less crap.

"[Stan Van Gundy's] a master of panic and when it gets time for his team to get into the postseason [yada yada yada] he will let them down because of his panic," Shaq said, as reported in The Orlando Sentinel.

Um, I'm a little bit confused here, but isn't Stan the Man still in the postseason? Hasn't his team already defeated an athletically scrappy 'Sixers team, a devoted reigning champion (Boston) and a team that has a player whom most proclaim as The King (Cleveland)? Indeed, he has. Most so-called journalists wrote off Stan in the Boston series; all of those same scribes gave Stan no chance against Mr. King James (except for me, which I have repeatedly stressed in passed articles). And everyone else in the sporting world states that the Lakers will win in three. Three? Even if Stan does lose in three, I'm pretty damn sure that he has far surpassed the tarot card readings of Shaqaprophet.

That was just the appetizing sample of the unprofessionalism displayed by Shaquille. Now let's showcase the main course of Shaq's archives. In his infamous freestyle rap, originally aired by , Shaq reiterated the lines, "You know how I be � Last week Kobe couldn't do without me." Oh really Shaquille, well this week Kobe is doing just fine. He's about to win the NBA finals (without you) in only three games! And Shaq, you've never won a seven game series in just three games. So who's tasting ass now? I think it's you Shaq. I think it's you. ..

to key everybody in, in that same rap, Shaq proclaimed, "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes." Well Shaq, I think you need to tell Kobe how his ass tastes. And while you're at it, take a look at Mr. GQ himself, Stan Van Gundy (actually he's in Esquire, but that's a whole other article in itself) and tell him how his ass tastes. And then go taste Dwight Howard's ass and Phil Jackson's ass (whom Shaq has publicly criticized as well). I don't even know what that means: to taste someone's ass? Nor do I want to , enough, I'm getting grossed out here with all this ass tasting, as I assume you are as well. But I didn't bring all this about, The Bigfriendly did.

Shaq insists that all of his comments were just marketing ploys. And yes, we all know how successfully Shaq has marketed himself over the years. But we also all know how emotional The Bigsensitive is. Thus, these remarks are as legit as David Stern is Jewish (just look at the dude). It's okay, I can say that, I am one too.

Always criticizing someone for flopping (ie: Vlade Divac), Shaquille has now become known as The Bighypocrite as well. In a bout between declining and rising superheroes, Shaq flopped. He flopped! And he admitted it too, but merely to further criticize Stan. "I realized that that play [Shaq's flop against Dwight Howard] reminded me of [Van Gundy's] whole coaching career," Shaq stated, as reported by ESPN. In boxing, they call that a rabbit punch.

But when has Van Gundy flopped? He took a young Miami Heat team to the second round of the playoffs in his first year as a head coach. In his second year, he took that same team (with the addition of The Bigfriendly) to the Eastern Conference Finals; only a Dwyane Wade rib injury away from the NBA Finals. After being booted out by Giorgio Armani (Pat Riley), here he is now, contending for the ultimate prize in the sport of basketball.

So as we recollect upon the brilliantly ethical quotations of Shaquille O'Neal, we come to the realization of why Shaq does what he does. He is jealous. Jealous of Dwight Howard's youth, jealous of Kobe's abiding spotlight and most apparent, jealous of Stan Van Gundy's Esquire status.

Regardless of the winner of this year's NBA finals, the loser is clear. The loser is Shaq. Shaq is the flopper, Shaq is the ass taster and Shaq is no longer the Superman.

The professional baseball team Boston Red Sox have a wonderful history and Boston Red Sox Tickets have sold like hell every season. They carry superb potential, stamina and professionalism to fight against any team. Last year they were heavily supported to win the World Series and they maintained a best record in baseball after entering in September. It's very sad on the part of Red Sox that they choked away their opportunity after being suffered from the most awful collapse in the history of baseball. During the final month of the season their scores were recorded to be just 7-20 and the missed American League Wild Card spot by one game. They finished and their record was made at number four in the AL at 90-72. Their season was rumored by lot of controversies about the starting pitchers. Rumors floated like they were eating fried chicken and were caught drinking beer in the clubhouse during games. Such controversies resulted in the departure of manager Terry Francona. Now the new manager is Bobby Valentine. It is the most crucial time for the team players and the manager Bobby Valentine to live up to their fans' expectations and to make up for the humiliation that was faced by the team last year.

Their fans are still crazy for them and expect big game this season. The team looks really enthusiastic this season and is desperate to record a win. They are ready to make any kind of change in their team to prove their selves. Following is the anticipated starting lineup for the Boston Red Sox in 2012.

Anticipated Lineup

(Catcher) Jarred Saltalamacchia - it's the need of the hour that Saltalamacchia must improve his performance otherwise he will have a hard time reaching his potential for the Red Sox. He must overcome his ill discipline to prove beneficial for the team.

(First Base) Adrian Gonzalez - his 27 home runs were a disappointment in the first season with the Red Sox. He recorded 10 home runs last year that is thought to be the major reason of his poor total since 2006. This 29 year old baseman can bounce back with commendable home runs in 2012.

(Second Base) Dustin Pedroia - he set career highs in home runs last year and won his second Gold Glove award. He still has the potential to show a great game this season as well.

(Shortstop) Nick Punto - defensively solid Punto is a proven leader and it is expected in this season that he can avail the opportunity to be the permanent starter at short.

(Third Base) Kevin Youkilis - he is recognized as one of the best hitters in the game. He suffered great injuries due to which he played just 120 games last year. If he is able to play 150 games he can hit 300 with close to 30 home runs and 100 RBI.

(Left Field) Carl Crawford - he recorded awful performance in the first season for Boston. He desperately needs to get back on track in the season of 2012. The team still has expectations from him to have better numbers once he returns to the lineup.

(Center Field) Jacoby Ellsbury - he gave a great performance last year and astounded lots of people by his glorious performance as he hit 321 with 32 home runs, 105 RBI and 39 stolen bases. This year expectation from him is again on the higher side and it is expected that he can still hit over 300 with a bunch of steals.

(Right Field) Cody Ross - he is a notorious right-handed pull hitter. Last year he hit 240 with 14 home runs and 52 RBI with the San Francisco Giants. Expectations are mounting this year from him.

(Designated Hitter) David Ortiz - he amazed people last year by putting some interesting numbers, hitting 309 with 29 home runs and 96 RBI. Red Sox are fully hopeful that he will provide the similar number this year as well.

The above is the anticipated line up for the Boston Red Sox. Baseball freaks are hopeful and eager like anything that they are going to witness a great game this year.

Many fans out there were expecting this to happen. It is not just sheer luck that the sports betting world handicappers had made the Miami Heat the No.1 favorite to win the 2011 NBA Championship on the NBA betting odds. Sure, they were followed by the LA Lakers and the Boston Celtics, but we all know how that worked out for these two veteran teams. Still, perhaps the bigger surprise is that the Dallas Mavericks are once again going to play the Miami Heat for the National Championship.

And that's where all of this might just get really interesting. There is plenty of talk and speculation about this game. There are a lot of expectations, particularly for the Miami Heat. So far the plan has paid out for the Heat. Once Lebron James decided to join Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade in South Beach, the Heat's expectations grew exponentially. Miami has been expected to win championships, one after another. Considering it holds 3 of the finest active players in the league, anything short of a national championship would be considered a failure. Even if this means winning the ring after only been playing together for one season.

They all knew very well what they were getting into. There is no fooling this trio around. And all thought the Dallas Mavericks are entering this series as the underdog, there are a couple of things we must consider before handing the championship to the new kids in the South Beach block. Whether you want to face it or not, that really depend on how keen you are of the Heat, Miami's route to the Finals has been quite easy. When they played the Boston Celtics for the Conference Semis, they had a huge advantage. Not only was this a younger and more athletic team than Doc River's veteran based squad. Truth is that an injured Rajon Rondo, the Celtic's playmaker, made thing much easier for Miami after the third game of the series.

And then there was Chicago. And that wasn't as hard of a deal for the Heat as many Bulls fans would have liked it to be. For starters, the Bulls key player, despite been the current MVP, didn't had much of a supporting cast. Had Derrick Rose received a little more help from either Loul Deng, Carlos Boozer or Joakim Noah, this would certainly be a very different NBA Finals.

The Heat is already working on who is going to guard the biggest threat from the Mavericks. One Dirk Nowitzki who has simply dominated the Playoffs. They are going to have LeBron James going mano a mano against the Nowitzki Express on the fourth quarter. But even though Dirk might be the biggest and tallest threat for Miami, there is one little Puerto Rican guy who has the talent and the motivation to really make things ugly for the Heat. One, Jose Juan Barea.

Perhaps we need to consider Barea as a fundamental part of this equation. Truth is that Rick Carlisle's most effective weapons during the playoffs has been his shooting/spread offense with Barea playing the equivalent role of Chris Paul. During the Playoffs, this particular five-man lineup is shooting an incredible 57 percent on 3-pointers. When Tyson Chandler, a more dangerous pick-and-roll threat, is in at center instead of Haywood, the number jumps to 63 percent. And that's exactly when it gets scary for Miami. Sure, J.J Barea has only been averaging 18 minutes per game, but he knows really well how to make them work. This is going to be one heck of an NBA final. Don't miss on the action at .

The call him "The Freak" for a reason some of the things that Tim Lincecum does on the mound are just downright scary, and now, he can flash a World Series ring to boot. Lincecum has won 49 games over the course of the last three seasons, and last year was his worst ERA of the bunch... merely 3.43... However, you know that Lincecum is going to give you innings and give you a ton of strikeouts. He has at least 231 Ks in each of his last three seasons, and he has averaged over 250 per year in that stretch. Still, he's not going to be the only man to watch in this game. Keep a really close eye on Buster Posey behind the plate. Posey came on strong last year and was a key in the playoffs, and he came back in Spring Training this year and batted over .400 and helped lead the G-Men to one of the best preseason marks in the game. He could be the missing link for a team that frankly wasn't all that great offensively last season. It'll also hurt that Brian Wilson, the team's closer, isn't available for this MLB Opening Day tussle.

This is a big time statement game for the Dodgers. It's their home opener off of a season in which just didn't go all that well, their arch rivals are in town, and they are flashing their new World Series rings. No, one game doesn't nearly make an entire season, but it is also the first game in the first full season for Manager Don Mattingly, and he would love to win this series to get the fans in Tinseltown on his side. The San Francisco Giants start their defense of their World Series crown on Thursday night on the road against their arch rivals, as they take on the Los Angeles Dodgers in MLB free picks action. The youthful Clayton Kershaw is the man that he is sending to the bump in MLB Opening Day betting action, and for good reason. Sure, Kershaw has only won 21 games over the course of his 62 starts in the last two seasons, but his ERA has stayed below 3.00 in those starts. He's thrown over 370 innings as well, and he struck out 212 batters last season. It also helps that the last game that he pitched against these Giants was a complete game shutout, the first and only complete game of his entire career. Kershaw allowed four hits in the complete game 1-0 victory, and he didn't walk a batter. Still, when push comes to shove, Lincecum is 7-1 over the course of his last eight starts against the Dodgers, something that cannot be ignored. Kershaw might be improving, but he's not an MLB Opening Day starter. Back the champs. MLB Free Picks: San Francisco Giants For Great MLB Picks and MLB Betting Discussions, Check Out The MLB Forums At Bang The Book!

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Since 1926 the Harlem Globetrotters have thrilled audiences around the world as the premier exhibition basketball team. Combining their talented athleticism with comedy and theater, the Globetrotters have played over 25,000 games entertaining young and old and becoming ambassadors of goodwill.

The team originated in the 1920s where all the original players grew up on the south side of Chicago, Illinois. Most of the players attended Chicago's first predominately black Wendell Phillips High School. Although they were from Chicago, owner Abe Saperstein decided to name them the Harlem Globetrotters to point out that the players were African-Americans and that they had traveled the globe. They did not play in Harlem until 1968.

The Globetrotters started out as a serious competitive team and won admiration when the all-black team beat the all-white Lakers 61-59 in February 1948. Even though they had talented players, the team also had a flair for entertainment, often clowning around for the audience only after gaining a safe lead in the game. As more black players were drafted by the NBA during the 1950s, it became harder for the Globetrotters to attract and retain top talent.

Eventually the Globetrotters became known more for entertaining audiences with their comic routines than a competitive sports team. The team's act was to amaze the spectators in their skillful handling of several basketballs in the way they passed, juggled balls between players, and used their incredible coordination to make difficult shots. Many NBA greats have played for the Globetrotters. Players like Wilt "The Stilt" Chamberlain, Connie "The Hawk" Hawkins, Nat "Sweetwater" Clifton, as well as baseball Hall of Famers Bob Gibson and Ferguson Jenkins. During the 1970s and 80s they had a popular team member, Fred "Curly" Neal remembered as the best dribbler of that era of the team's history. Their first female player was Olympic gold medalist Lynette Woodard who was signed in 1985.

Although beloved by audiences globally, the Globetrotters have not been free of scrutiny and criticism. During the civil rights era they were accused of "Tomming for Abe", a reference to Uncle Tom and white owner Abe Saperstein. This accusation stemmed from the fact that the players were all African American and their skits involved so much buffoonery. Despite the critics, many prominent civil rights activists maintained that the Globetrotters were indeed a positive influence and did not portray blacks as stupid.

In 1993 under new owner and former player, Mannie Jackson, the Globetrotters began playing competitive basketball after having played hundreds of exhibition games. The team had a run of 8,829 straight victories since 1971 until they lost in 1995 to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's All Star Team in Vienna, Austria. They have played over 20,000 exhibition games in 118 countries and have achieved a winning percentage of 98.4%.

The Harlem Globetrotters have been featured in several of their own films and television series over the years and continue to entertain audiences around the world. Their new generation of star players will continue the tradition of playing exhibition games and providing audiences with entertainment and the thrill of watching these magicians of basketball perform their magic.

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Strong legs will enable you to jump higher, am I correct? Well, perhaps to a great extent. But if you're working out inside the weight room and neglecting plyometric instruction, you'll certainly not achieve your goals concerning vertical jumps.

Plyometric instruction is created to generate rapid, powerful movements. It will develop the functions in the nervous system and is utilized generally for the objective of improving performance in sports. In plyometrics, a muscle is loaded and then contracted in rapid sequence, utilizing the strength, elasticity and innervation in the muscle and surrounding tissues to leap much higher, run faster, throw farther, or hit harder. Plyometric education is used to increase the velocity and force of muscular contractions and in this way will increase the height of your leap.

Compare the actions of the forklift and a catapult. Both will lift a specific quantity of weight. The forklift may well even be able to lift a lot more weight than the catapult. Why then does the load lifted by the catapult go so much higher and farther? It's simply because of the rate at which the catapult lifts its load.

It is precisely the exact same principle in basketball. The strongest guy on the team isn't necessarily the same 1 that jumps the highest. In reality, it is feasible to put emphasis on strength and neglect pace to the point exactly where it really hurts one's capacity to soar.

The formula then is: Strength + Rate = height. Keep in mind, when we talk about rate we're talking about how quick a muscle contracts and releases. That's where we need to work to be able to raise vertical jumps.

Hey, who was the shortest player ever to win the NBA Slam Dunk Contest? Check out the video at Learn to Jump Higher